for the love to self

i believe at one point sometimes we have to be selfish. for the love of life, we need to fall in love with ourselves first before we fall in love with others. Not to forget the love for Allah is eternity. As we  are climbing up our age, we tend to share the loves with others. to our parents, siblings, the other half, our children and others and most of the time, we shower more love to others and perhaps only 10% we keep it to ourselves.

but how we gonna give a space to love ourselves. 

let me tell you this, it ain't easy to give some space inside us and people would say that we are crazy if we keep telling ourselves "i love you". 

so, i think its about time i say what i have to say, to do what i have to do. Regardless the outcome, i bet the moment i speak the truth, that is the moment, i ease some unnecessary pain in me. i have the feeling that its gonna be a tough discussion and rejection is at top risk, but at least, i need to speak for myself. I no longer love to go with the flow. i would love to see how my career grow from here. 

i tried once asking for transfer but, it was rejected. It hurts to face the rejection, but it gives you some strength to move further. Nevertheless, I do agree that my current big boss is the best boss i've ever had. Despite my "blur look", he never failed to guide me. I know, some of you may not understand, especially when I have developed a good relationship with my colleagues, but after years of experience, you yourself know what you can do best.

well, i have tried few time to discuss with the big boss but it seems each time i block his time, that was the time that he has an adhoc meeting. Was it a sign for me not to proceed, i dun know. Susahkan when u dun have the clue.

Im just sharing what i have in mind. Hoping that this Friday discussion terjadi.. tak de dah postpone postpone.

so the point here is, you need to have a determination when you want to fulfill your dream and desire. People can give a thought but at the end of the day, we have to live with it. So ask yourself what you want in life. I have gone through to this stage for quite sometimes, and most of the time, I kept thinking what is others perception on me. I dont want to be a scapegoat, neither i dun like people hate me. But after a while, I realised, Im hurting myself even more. Yes, as si lembik macam I, it takes courage to make a first step.

Takde yang mustahil --- motivation to self.. :)